he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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