i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize