Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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