When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize