Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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