The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
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he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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