some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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