If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize