so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize