i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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