just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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