perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
love makes seman taste better
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
