so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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