Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(575): View more from New Mexico

i permit you to call me

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(318): View more from Louisiana

But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...

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(619): View more from California

i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already

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(512): View more from Texas

When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(608): View more from Wisconsin

I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon

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(913): View more from Kansas

Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?

(1-913): View more from Kansas

I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...

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(706): View more from Georgia

So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.

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