i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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