Someone shit on the floor
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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