I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize