Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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