Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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