my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize