I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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