32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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