Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
not ubering you a puppy
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize