I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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