i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize