When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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