WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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