I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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