wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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