dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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