just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize