I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
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I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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