a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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