you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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