i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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