I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
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Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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