Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
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Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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