Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
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It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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