You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize