Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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