We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize