the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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