i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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