do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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