so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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