I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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