I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize