we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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