my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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