I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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