I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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